Between Moments

Same person, completely different energy Photo by  Andhara Cheryl  on  Unsplash I would like to formally introduce you to the two main personalities that live inside me. They look identical, share the same responsibilities, and technically occupy the same body. The only difference is sleep. Personality A is well rested, emotionally stable, patient, kind, and surprisingly optimistic about life. Personality B, on the other hand, is fragile, suspicious of everyone’s intentions, deeply offended by minor inconveniences, and one mildly annoying email away from moving to the mountains. The transition between these two personalities is not gradual. It is immediate. Eight hours of sleep and I am a functioning adult with compassion and perspective. Five hours of sleep and suddenly the world feels hostile, loud, and personally determined to ruin my day. The Well Rested Version Is Suspiciously Mature When I sleep properly, I wake up like a person who has their life together. I drink ...

Inside the noisy group chat of my mind, where panic types in all caps, songs interrupt, reels appear uninvited, and peace occasionally logs in. Image by  DanFa  from  Pixabay I f my thoughts had a group chat, it would never be on mute. Ever. Someone would always be typing. Someone would be replying too quickly. Someone would be reacting to a message that was sent three hours ago and is no longer relevant. It would probably be named something unhelpful like 'Important' or 'Think About This Later', even though nothing in it would be urgent and nothing would ever be dealt with later. There would be a thought that panics first.  Always. The one that shows up without being asked to, and types in all caps. It would ask questions like, What if we forgot something significant?" "Is this enough?" and "Why did that person reply with just 'okay'?" It would spam the chat with ten messages one after another, apologise, and then continue spamming. Rig...

Image by  Alessandro Danchini  from  Pixabay On feeling out of place, moving slowly, and learning that misalignment is not failure. If I could talk to my younger self, I do not think I would try to correct her. I would not tell her how to fix her life or how to become more disciplined or ambitious. Mostly because she would not listen. She would hear me out, nod, maybe even agree, and then continue doing things exactly the way she always had. She was not a hard worker in the traditional sense. She missed deadlines more often than she met them. She was always chasing something but never quite reaching it. She moved slowly, sometimes carelessly, and often felt guilty about it. From the outside, it probably looked like she was laid back. From the inside, she was constantly stressed, always feeling like she was falling behind without knowing how to catch up. She worked jobs that never quite felt like they fit. The first job that paid the bills but drained her. Then, becoming a...

Image by  congerdesign  on  Pixabay On familiarity, memory, and small acts of steadiness. R eading that one genre of books, making coffee the same way, taking the exact route to work, wearing the same perfume, or even styling your hair similarly every single day, isn’t it amusing how our otherwise haywire life is organised and so proper in its own ways?  And as you read this, you are stepping into the realisation that you never paid attention to why it is so.  I did too, just the other day, sitting in front of the TV, rewatching the same episode from my favourite show, probably for the 100th time, it hit me. Why do I like this? Why am I watching this over the new and much more interesting content? And the more I sat with that thought, the more curious I became. Because it wasn’t boredom driving me back to the same episode, or lack of options. There was plenty to watch, plenty to choose from. And yet, here I was, comfortably sinking into something I already knew ...